Board Games are Fun; so is Losing!

I had 2 rounds of board games last night with 3 of my buddies. We had 'Around Africa in 10 Days' for round 1 and a very challenging game called 'Citadel' in round 2. It was hilarious; it was funny; it was confusing (it's always confusing in the first 20 mins or so trying to figure out the rules). Okay, I didn't win in any of those 2 rounds. But heck, who really cares? Afterall, when you are my age, winning really isn't everything. Strangely, I used to think the opposite when I was much younger. Winning really is...EVERYTHING.

As a young boy, I used to think and act competitively. I play and sing competitively. As a young adult, I sell and market competitively. Everything use to be a competition, and in this competition, there can only be one winner, and that winner must be ME. How miserable...expecially when I can't win all the time.

I have since repented years ago. And I was glad I did, because I finally realized that it's not about the winning (or losing). It's not about the destination, but the journey; not the product, but the process. When I focus on the journey instead of the destination, I start to enjoy the friendship and the company I am in. And guess what, when I arrive at the end, we all win!

I used to resent people who try to comfort me by saying, "Oh come on, it's only a game". Yeah right, try it on yourself when you are on the losing team. That was my attitude years ago. But now, the phrase "It's only a game" has more significant meaning to me. It's NOT JUST A GAME; it's a connection. I have a meaningful connection with another being who has chosen to spend time interacting with me apparently via an inconsequencial event: a board game. It's not a game anymore. It's relationship, and in relationship, everybody wins.

I regretted those years when I shunned away one too often from playing games with others because I know I cannot afford to lose. Now I feel that I cannot afford NOT to lose. Less is more. To win, we sometimes have to lose. Someone once quoted: You win the battle, but lose the war. You win an arguement, but lose a friend. You win the match, but lose the respect. How sad. Yes, I can afford to lose now. It's not a big deal anymore.

Nowadays, I have a wonderful feeling when I lost a game, because I know I have won something else: I have won my inner battle, the tension within, the struggle to base my self-worth on something so temporal as the status of a winner. Deep inside, it's okay now. Relationships take priority over personal immaturity.

It was a journey that had taken a great toll on my circles of friends and loved ones. It was a journey of self-discovery and self-awareness that had left a trail of dead bodies and dead-ends along the way. I felt guilty and ugly. What kind of outlook and motto is this anyway: In winning, I lose. I would rather now champion "In losing, I win".

Tonight, I have forgotten how bad it feels to be losing;
Tonight, I don't remember the pressure of not winning;
Tonight, I don't request for a draw or a tie;
Tonight, I finally enjoy losing.
And it is in such a wonderful night like this one that I once again enjoy the marvelous fellowship and companionship of ...my friends!

Love Letter to Ing

My Dear Wife,

You are so easy to forgive. I realised that little irritations, small offenses, emotional wounds and hurt feelings build up over time. Sometime they are temporarily overlooked, buried, or nearly forgotten, but not quite other times. I've been responsible for my share of hurts and pains, and for that I'm truely sorry. Please forgive me. I also want to make sure that I've forgiven you. I don't want to carry around an old offense that breeds bitterness and eventually pushes us apart.

I understand now that a vital part of any loving and lasting relationship must be forgiveness. We cannot survive without it. It's impossible to love someone without inflicting hurt from time to time. We're human, and we're imperfect at this thing called love. So let's choose to forgive.

Because I Love You,
Your Husband.

The 2 Most Important & Beautiful Person in my Life

My Life will be so empty without both of you...

Joash Boy-Boy:
I noticed the red car in your hand is getting smaller, huh.
You used to hold it with 2 hands.
Hey, you have grown a little bigger again :)

Love Letter to Ing

My Dear Wife,

I love the way you trust me everyday. Strangely, one of the toughest issue in marriage everywhere has to do with the area of trust. At the same time, I understand that trust is critical to any good relationship. And I realize that trust doesn't just happen overnight; it is built, one brick at a time, one layer after another, like the foundation of a great beautiful architecture building. It would mean so much to me to know that you really trust me; even now.

Darling, I know I am not perfect. And I also know I've let you down from time to time. But I want you to know that I'm willing to work hard to assure you that your life is completely safe in my hands, now and forever. I realize that only God can make us into people who are truely trustworthy. I take that seriously, and I earnestly pray that God will help me make good on that promise.

Because I Love You,
Your Husband.

Love Letter to Ing

My Dear Wife,

I thank you for listening to me. You have always been a great listener. I know that sometimes I might act as if I'm self-sufficient, as if I don't need anyone or anything. But beneath my 'I-have-everything-under-control' exterior dwells a needy little boy with concerns, fears, insecurities, and a need to be heard. Even when I appear tired, pre-occupied or crazy, sometimes I just want someone to talk to; someone like you, whom I can completely trust with all my inadequacies and shortcomings. Someone I know I can count on. That someone has always been you. Thank you, darling.

If you can, gently nudge me out, I'd love to talk to you and tell you everything that resides in these secret chambers of my heart. I know, communication seems to flow more easily for you women than it does for us men. We're not always comfortable saying how we feel, or even knowing how we feel. But you, my dear wife, you can draw me out. I know you're a good listener, and you usually have something wise and encouraging to say. I long so much for those intimate moments where I can pour out my heart to you and yours to mine; moments where your heartbeats sound clearer that the sound of the night. I really do need and like to talk to you.

Because I Love You,
Your Husband.

My Devotion - A Shoeless Stance

Joshua 5:1-15, Old Testament, The Bible

verse 13-15:
Now it came about when Joshua was by Jericho, that he lifted up his eyes & looked, and behold, a man was standing opposite him with his sword drawn in his hand, & Joshua went to him and said, "Are you for us or for our adversaries?"
And he said, "No, rather I indeed come now as captain of the host of the LORD."
And Joshua fell on his face to the earth, and bowed down, and said to him, "What has my Lord to say to his servant?"
And the Captain of the Lord's host said to Joshua, "Remove your sandals from your feet, for the place you are standing is holy." And Joshua did so.

This short chapter has 2 parts. I will skip the first part, but just to mention that sometime, when things are going our way, be it in career or family or personal achievement, God ask us to do the unthinkable: "Circumcised!"
To a young Israelite, marching towards Canaan, aka the war zone, with kings and armies surrounded them , the last thing for him to do is to ...cut. You know what I mean, don't you, guys. I will be most most vulnerable, not to mention utterly uncomfortable and inconvenience to the fullest. How to fight? It really centres on trusting God for protection and provision (since the manna also stop at about the same time).

But I want to dwell on the second part, that which described Joshua's personal encounter with God. You see, the question remains throughout the ages, as it will always remain, one of ultimate authority. Who are you going to follow in your life? Who will command your allegiance? Christ or Culture? You really really can't have it both ways. (Unless you are Frank Sinatra!)

The interesting thing about taking off the sandals has always puzzled me. But I choose not to let the leg-dress confuse me with the lesson. The man with the sword, possibly the Son of God, Jesus Christ, is telling Joshua that his observation is correct, but his conclusion is wrong.

You see, Joshua recognise combat and authority. A man with drawn sword is no small matters. Joshua knew that he can either count this man as an ally or as his enemy. He is effectively asking, Whose sides are you in? Liverpool or Man-U? Of course Liverpool lah, moron!

Just kidding. The lesson is so clear and sharp. God's representative, the Supreme Commander of the hosts of Heaven, did not come to take side. HE CAME TO TAKE OVER!

"I did not come to take sides, Joshua, I came to take over. You looked surprise, Joshua". Yes, but he obeyed and then Joshua did what I think taking off sandals means. He submits. He surrenders. He chooses. It is a crossroad again. He choose the Word of God (the drawn sword) as his final order, his ultimate authority from HQ. He has decided as to who will call the shots.

God is tucking my heart again.
The truth is, until I have settled the authority question, I cannot settle any question.
Is He just "one more guiding voice" or "One and Only Voice"?
Lordship issue is always lesson no. 1. If I want to move back down the trail He intended for me as man, some priorities have got to change.
The fate and future of my family, my relationship, my son, my career all rest on this shoeless ground.
Lord, help me, I pray. To have a shoeless stance before You in all matters that count for You and Your Kindgom.

Love Letter to Ing

My Dear Wife,

Your presence and countenance is my blessing. Do you know how much I love to look at your face? I enjoy it most when you don't know I'm looking. I love the curve of your cheek, the shape of your chin, the form of your lips. I love the color of your eyes and the way your lashes flutter softly, like butterflies. I love the way your brows lift and your mouth puckers slightly when you are considering something.

I love to touch your face, to feel the smoothness of your skin beneath my hands. I long to run my fingers over your long, silky hair, and I love to run the same fingers over your closed eyelids, down your neck, over your lips, and above your shape nose. I thank God for these little things that bring so much pleasure to our lives. This little but familiar expressions everyday are a source of joy to me constantly. Oh my darling, how I love your face.

Because I Love You,
Your Husband

Jim Elliot - The Degree of A.U.G. Part II

Jim set his alarm every night to awaken him in time for prayer and the study of the Bible. “None of it gets to be old stuff”, he wrote, “for it is Christ in print, the Living Word. We wouldn’t think of rising in the morning without a facewash, but we often neglect that purgative cleansing of the Word of the Lord. It wakes us up to our responsibilities.”

In one of the letters written to his parents, he wrote of the struggles he faced:

December 6.
“I am finding my study load heavy just now, and its almost impossible to split the sheets before 11 p.m. I would much appreciate your prayers here, for it is difficult to keep from becoming drowsy in 7: 30 Greek class in the morning, much more to keep one’s mind in sincere morning prayer and study before that time. This though, is what Paul meant when speaking of the rigor which must be sustained if one is to be a good soldier of Jesus Christ, enduring hardness (2Tim 2:3).”

Jim had gone out for wrestling during his freshman year, believeing that participation in some sport contributed to his training as a soldier of Jesus Christ. As the apostle wrote, ‘But I beat my body and subdue it, least after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified (1Cor 9:27).’

“It’s sure a good feeling,” Jim had written his mother, “not to be water-logged and flabby while one is studying. I think it definitely stimulates the entire body processes, including thinking to be physically alert. Like the horse in Job, one can rejoice in his strength.”

Excerpts from further letters to his parents:

February 8.
"My Father knows best, and I am confident that He has placed me here; my task is to labor quietly until the *pillar of cloud removes (Ex 13:21), and leads further, working out God’s purposes in God’s time.”

February 22.
“Several of my housemates and I have begun prayer together here in our ‘den’ and such times we do have...These are times I will remember about college when all the philosophy has slipped out memory’s back gate. God is still on His Throne, we are still at His footstool, and there is only a knee distance between!”

“My grades came through this week, and were, as expected, lower than last semester. However, I make no apologies, and admit I have let them drop a bit for study of the Bible, in which I seal the degree of A.U.G., ‘Approved Unto God’.”

March 29.
“Hour before we again rise from our knees, feeling as if our faces should be veiled for the small glimpse of glory the Lord has given us. This, to me, is real Christianity, when fellows pray and see miracles work on campus the following day. Each day becomes a time of wrought wonders.”

IT WAS SOMETIME DURING THESE FIRST TWO YEARS AT COLLEGE THAT JIM BECAME
CONSCIOUS OF THE DIRECT, PERSONAL IMPLICATIONS OF THE LORD JESUS’ COMMAND
TO GO AND PREACH THE GOSPEL. HE DECIDED THAT THE COMMAND WAS DIRECTED
TO HIM.

This decision to obey the Lord cost Jim his life....

“Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the price? Run in such a way that you may win. And everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, not as beating the air; but I buffet my body and make it my slave, lest possibly, after I have preached to others, I myself should be disqualified.”
1Cor 9:24-27, St Paul

* The visible symbol of God’s presence among His people.

Jim Elliot - The Degree of A.U.G. Part I

When Jim was a college student in 1949 he wrote these words, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.” Seven years later, deep in Ecuador, the quiet waters of the Curaray flowed over the bodies of Jim and his four comrades, slained by the men they had come to win for Christ. The book ‘Shadow of the Almighty’ relates the martyrdom of these missionaries at the hands of the Auca Indians. Jim’s diary exposes the roots of what makes a person at the threshold of life commit his very being to a God who he felt might call him to unexpected death at any time. Reproduced below are extracts from a chapter in the book entitled: Degree of A.U.G.

We should remember that while knowledge may make a man look big, it is only love that can make him grow to his full stature. For whatever a man may know, he still has a lot to learn, but if he loves God, he is opening his whole life to the spirit of God.

Many a freshman entering college has no clear idea of what he is there for. Vaguely, it is ‘to get an education’, but many have done it without going to college, and many have gone to college without getting educated. The idea of an education presents itself to the freshman in a bewilderingly vast variety of forms - the orientation programs, with its lectures, and examinations, and faculty receptions: the confusion of registration day, with its lines of frantic students trying to sign up for the course they have chosen before the loud-speaker crackles to announce that Section B of History 115 has closed: catalogues, with its listings of professors who are only names to him so fat, and courses electives and requisites; the booths representing organizations; athlete fees, somehow included in that broad term ‘education’, and the student whose value scale places social acceptance and reputation high may be sucked into a world of ECA from which he finds it difficult to extricate himself.

When Jim Elliot entered Wheaton College in Illonois in the fall of 1945, his goal was clear. First of all, he had committed himself entirely to God and recognized the disciplines this commitment would involve. “No man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please Him who had chosen him to be a soldier (2Tim 2:4)”. This automatically eliminated many problems, and many ‘good’ things, in order to give place to those which furthered his purpose. Other students, however, lacking a defined primary aim, often pursued too many of the secondary ones presented to them.

It was this singleness of purpose which his fellow students noticed especially. If some thought he had a ‘one track mind’ becos’ he talked so freely about Christ, there were others who, for the same reason, regarded him as especially ‘spiritual’ and wanted him to be ‘prayer chairman’ of the freshman class. Neither opinion moved him. A frequent prayer of his was “O God, my heart is fixed”.

Jim was sure that God had led him to Wheaton. He had not come simply becos’ father had sent him. Nobody was ‘putting him through’. In fact, he did not know where the money would come from. God honored this faith, however, and funds were supplied, through a friend, thru’a scholarship, and through a part-time employment, so that in November he was able to write:

“This schooling experience is one wherein I can perpetually celebrate that all has been supplied by His ever-tender loving kindness. To Him be all the glory and thanks”.

The only record we have of his freshman and sophomore years is in his letters to his family, which, aside from very brief notes on what he was doing, were heavily sprinkled with thoughts of eternity, and occasionally a bit of advice to a brother or a sister, of which the following is a sample, written to his sister Jane early that fall:

“Begin each day with private reading of the Word and prayer (Ps 5:3). Bunyan has well said, ‘Sin will keep you from this Book, or this Book will keep you from sin’. From the very start, as you begin high school, gives out gospel tracts to those you meet. Make a bold start - its easier that way, rather than trying to begin halfway through. Memorize scriptures on the street car. Buy up the time! It’s costly becos’ it’s so fleeting. These are terse remarks, and trite, but I wish someone had said them to me about Labor Day 1941. ‘Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who has no need to be ashamed’ (2Tim 2:15).”

Part-Time Servant

Pieces of promises, parts of a prayer-
No real commitment to stay or to care.
Partly believing, and partly in doubt-
Not quite in the kingdom, but not really out.
Tied to your words Lord, just by a thread-
The need in my heart, and the world in my head.
So long in confusion that I couldn’t see-
Full time not part time.
So Lord come on in, cos’
I want to start all over again.
From this day on, my life is an open door-
I won’t be your part time servant anymore.
I’ve sat on thr fence, lingering still-
Just on the edge of, my word and your will.
But now for the first time I know what to do-
I’m ready, I’m coming full time to you.
So Lord come on in,
cos’ I want to start all over again.
From this day on, my life is an open door-
I won’t be your part time servant anymore.
- Author Unknown

Love Letter to Ing

My Dear Wife,

You are still my lovely one. I remember the first time I saw your face, that bright, cheery smile, those long hair, and those sparkling eyes. That fateful afternoon in lecture theatre 8, 2 p.m. on the 20th July 1994. It was all over - I was smitten; I was stunned. I was paralysed by this cutie bun. Maybe I didn't quite know what hit me at first, or maybe I was afraid to admit that it could actually happen to me. But it was indisputable; I was hooked. I'm so thankful I was.

I remember the first time we talked. I had difficulty concentrating on your words because it was all I could do to resist reaching out and touching your hair, your cheek, your lips. I remember that little twinkle in your eyes, that teasing smile, as if you knew that it was only a matter of time. I thank God for that day. And I remember...because...

Because I Love You,
Your Husband.

The Four Pillars of a Man's Heart I

"A man's man is a godly man, and a godly man reflects the heart of his Father in who he is and what he does" wrote Gary Oliver, author of 'Real Men Have Feelings Too'.

I have read many books on the subject call "manhood". They all talk about what a man should do, but did not show us what a man can be. Being comes before doing, as I have said earlier.

As a man, I have got to build a family that outlive me. I have got to build a home that outlast me. I have got to build a heritage that stands strong and firm in the winds of time. I have got to build a civilization that does not fall apart with the passing years. I have got to build a legacy on pillars that will not lean or crumble.

What kind of man can accomplish that? What kind of man has shoulders broad enough to build upon? It is the man who learns to lay his foundation in Christ through the following 4 pillars. The 4-pillared man is:

1. A Man of Vision & Character...a King.
2. A Man of Strength & Power ... a Warrior.
3. A Man of Faith & Wisdom ... a Mentor.
4. A Man of Heart & Love ...a Friend.

It is upon these pillars of manhood that my small civilization call "home" will either stand or fall. It takes 4 pillars to hold up a building, a temple, or a home. It will take 4 pillars to make a man - a man who will bear the weight, stand against the elements, and hold one small civilization intact in a chaotic world heading towards destruction & judgement. I had a decision to make, NOW.

I believe it is impossible to be a man, fully masculine, apart from bowing to Jesus Christ as the Lord of your life and submitting to His Word as the ultimate life authority. A man's man is a godly man. A man's man got to do what a man got to do. And a man got to make some tough decisions. Especially this one.

Today. I did that, again. I commit myself to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, and I submit to His Word as the ultimate authority for my life.
I want to be a Man...a man's Man. God be my help, I pray.

A Bishop's Meditation

"Do not pray for an easy life; pray to be a stronger man.
Do not pray for task equal to your powers; pray for powers equal to your tasks!
Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle.
Everyday you shall wonder at yourself, at the richness of life,
which has come to you by the grace of God."

Meditations from the Pew of the Episcopal
Bishop Phillips Brooks
Holy Trinity Church, Philadelphia

Love Letter to Ing

My Dear Wife,

I remember the day, my love, when we repeated our wedding vows. I was quite nervous, my palms were sweaty, and I longed for the whole thing to hurry up and end. But at the same time, I wanted it to go on forever. You were so beautiful, my bride. I still remember the sparkle in your eyes as you walked down the aisle towards me. On that day, I promised, before God and the whole world, to love and to cherish you for the rest of your days.

I still stand by that promise, maybe even more now than I did then, for now I better understand the significance of such a vow. Here and now, I promise you that I will be committed to our marriage for the rest of my life.

Because I Love You,
Your Husband.

A Perspective of Things II

Jeremiah 29 - 33 (5 Chapters!) - Old Testament, The Bible
Isaiah 40:31

My devotion led me to a very strange part of the Bible - Jeremiah, the Weeping Prophet. Maybe there is much to weep about, considering the conditions of my life, especially my heart. Okay, before I take a knife and kill myself (juz kidding), let examine the theological underpinnings of the above verses.

Jere 29:11 - "I have plans for you...give you a future ( 'Arkhareeth' in Hebraic)"
Jere 29:12 - "...call upon Me...I will listen to you..."
Jere 29:13 - "...you will seek me...& FIND Me..."
Jere 30:11 - "...I am with you...to save you..."
Jere 30:17 - "...I will restore you...heal you of your wounds..."
Jere 31:3 - "I have loved you with an everlasting love..."
Jere 31:17 - "...there is hope for your future ('Arkhareeth')..."
Jere 32:17 - "...nothing is too difficult for Thee..."
Jere 33:3 - "...Call to Me...I will ANSWER you..."

So many gems, but I will broadly categorize it into 3 parts:

1. Jere 29:11-13 (What He Wants - Prayerer)
The Lord is looking for seekers & worshippers, & the key is to seek Him with ALL our hearts. That is the only requirement of a true spirit of worship and the mark of a genuine seeker. All our hearts, and all others is bull-shit...crap...cannot make it one...
2. Jere 32: 17 (What He Is - Powerful)
Nothing is too difficult for Him, yes, even my heart conditions is not too difficult for Him to change. But I need to ask of God, because He wants us to know that He is ABLE, and He is WILLING, and He CAN.
3. Jere 33:3 (What He Does - Promise Keeping)
God promises He will answer; He wants, desires, and eagers to hear and answer our prayers. What am I waiting for? Here, God make it clear that the norm is answered prayers! His policy is answered requests!! The last time I glance at His book, He did not change that policy!!!

Okay, I am trying too hard to come out with 3 "P"s again. But the take-home-message is still the same: You pray, He answers, powerfully. Period.

The athelete of Olympic has always known this motto: "Stronger, Higher, Swifter" ("Fortius, Altius, Citius")
Guess what: The Prophet Isaiah actually drew an amazing paralllel to this motto in Isa 40:31.
"They that wait...shall renew their strength" speaks of stronger.
"They shall mount up with wings as eagles..." speaks of higher.
"They shall run and not be weary..." speaks of swifter.

Now, prayer is central to both part of these scriptures. The secret to this type of 'spiritual stamina and performance' is anchored by "waiting upon the Lord". Such an old, familiar truth, yet still so vital and powerful in the walk and race of a believer.

Sometime ago, someone challenged me to go back to the reading, yes, just mere reading of God's word.
Now, the challenge seems to be go back to prayer. I wonder what's next.

Okay, I will read and pray, then pray and read, read-read, pray-pray, but just don't play-play. I trust that something miraculous will start to take place. I am expecting, anticipating, hoping. God, help me. I know You will answer. This is also a perspective of things. This is also "Hor ehh...!"

A Perspective of Things I

Today, I would like to start with a perspective of ...Eternity. Big word, huh? What's eternity? Forever forever-ness? Never-ending end? Here's one such mental picture to help us grasp it:

"High up in the North, in the land called Svithjod, there stand a rock. It is 100 miles high and 100 miles wide. Once every 1,000 years a little bird comes to this rock to sharpen its beak. When the rock has thus been worn away, then a single day of eternity will have gone by".
- Henry Willen Van Loon (extracted from "A Life Well Spent" by Russ Crosson, Chp 1)

That's the most humanly comprehensible picture I can find, I suppose. It's mind-blowing, isn't it? Anyone wants the job of that poor little bird? Every 1,000 years he will have to fly here & polish like 'siao'. The idea of big rock, small bird, and all the polishing of beak ... and the rock must be worn out, before a day is over is crazy! What a powerful picture. It is going to make "Hi, how's your day?" very very difficult question to reply, you know.

Now unless you believe in God, this idea is of no significance value and meaning to you. Once we understand that God is more concerned about the eternal than the temporal, we will, hopefully, begin to face some unique challenges in several areas of our lives, like financial plans, money, family, recreation, work and time. Basically, one word: Choices.

Yes, I am convinced that a glimpse of Eternity not only will help determine our ways of life and choices, not only does it help in our decision making to know what counts and is important (to God), it also helps us to understand where we are going (direction/ focus) and how long we have (urgency).

What really matters to me? What counts? What will make a difference? I have very few idea now but much burden to reflect. But this I know: I have only one life, and it will soon be past. I want to do it right the first time, everytime. I want to live by design, not by default.

Rev. Randy Alcorn is the pastor at Western Baptist Seminary. He wrote in his book, I quote :
"Someday, this upside down world will be turned right side up, and nothing in all eternity will turn it back again. If we are wise, we will spend our brief lives on earth preparing and positioning oursleves for the turn." (extracted from 'Money, Possessions, and Eternity' by Randy Alcorn)

How do we position ourselves for the turn? For a start, I guess we can do it by constantly focusing on the eternal (people) in the realm of the temporal (materialism). To me, it means spending time with my wife and son, despite of the pressure to earn a living or earn a name in the secular market. That to me has eternal value; that to me has a perspective of things. That's what I mean by "Hor ehh..."

Love Letter to Ing

My Dear Wife,

My love for you is endless. I know I don't always show it as I used to, and I admit that often I get distracted with the demands of life and lately, derailed by the pressures of work. But I want you to know that my love for you is here to stay - yes, it's going to go the distance. I am committed to you, and I'm committed to our marriage and family. I plan to love you for all of my days.

I'm aware that things don't always go smoothly in our marriage and that we have our ups and downs, but through it all, one thing will never change - my love for you. I know it will go on and on. And I know that it will continue to increase and strengthen over time. My love for you is forever.

Because I love you,
Your Husband

P.S. Thanks for the 2 lovely pictures you sent, and the encouragement letter.

Love Letter to Ing

My Dear Wife,

I have so much to tell you. Especially you have been away for so long.

I know I'm not always the best at putting deeply felt things into words, but I want you to know how much I love you, how much you mean to me, and how important our marriage is.

I choose to write here because it explains and exposes a lot of the things I think and feel when it comes to us, and our 13 years relationship. I hope that as you read this, you will know that these words reflect my heart and my love for you.

I long to see us come together again; I long to see us getting closer. I want to learn and get better at sharing my feelings and listening to yours. I want our marriage and friendship to get stronger and our love to become a rock-solid foundation, supporting a marriage that will last and last. I want our marriage to be a platform for intimacy and open, honest sharing.

Because I love you,
Your Husband

Devotion - On Anger

Ephesians 4:26-32 (New Testament, The Bible)
Verse 26: "Be angry, and yet do not sin..."

Is there a contradiction of terms here? "Be" and then "do not". What kind of exhortation is this? Can one really be angry, and yet not sin? I think so. I can be angry, and yet don't slam the door. The door is not at fault.
Lots of people have the ability and power to agitate and frustrate me. Really. But whether or not I express my anger when they do is entirely my choice. People don't "make me" angry; I allow myself to express my anger.
Truth is: No one, absolutely no one else can make me respond aggressively or inappropriately when I feel anger. It seems just exactly the opposite, that because my constant and chosen response to feeling anger has become so routine that it seems "automatic". It feels as if the person or event triggered my anger and caused my angry response but in actual fact I was just giving excuses. I set to 'auto-pilot' mode as far as anger is concerned. And that needs to be changed, and soon.
Reality is: so many of my responses to anger result from learned behavior. I learned it long ago, from people I grew up with and around. And the scary thing is that I learned it so informally and subtly that I was not even aware of it.
Fact is: I have reflected and come to realise that anger is an inescapable fact of life. No one is spared. Even my Lord kanna before. It's there, read it. But the experience of anger is different from the expression of anger. What I feel about angry situation that arises, versus what I do with my anger, how I express it and manage it, is another matter.
The good news I discovered is that what I have learned I can also unlearn, and even relearn new responses. By the constant renewal of the mind and active obedient to the prompting of the Spirit, it is possible for me to manage my anger in a God-honoring way.

Here am I, I can do no other, so help me, God. May my outward expression reflects my inward obedience as a result of my upward experience.

Be angry, and not sin.

My Devotion Today

Proverbs 29:1-11, The Bible
Verse 1: A man who hardens his neck after much reproof will suddenly be broken beyond remedy.
Verse 11: A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back.

I admit I have always had an issue with the display of anger. I am angry, angry with stupid system, angry with stupid people, angry with that stupid taxi driver that cuts in with no warning, angry with that stupid moron who share his shit and smoke in the toilet cubicle. Man...I really have a problem! Someone please kill me now! I pay you $10K.
My anger has cost me my marriage, my family, my wife, my son, my future...if I allow it to rob me further.No, I intend to do something about it - today. I will start to deal with it again - now. Like verse 1, I have hardened my neck after much reproof. I have been discouraged and dismayed over my failure to overcome this handicap call anger. But I know deep within that I am not broken beyond remedy. God is not finished with me yet. The Great Weaver still needs me on the easel. The Principal of the School of Hard Knocks still needs my class attendance and projects. I know I am not done because He is not done.
So, Mr Anger, watch out! I am coming back! Round two won't be a walk-over for you now. I will put up a defense against your on-slaught, in order to protect all that which is dear to me - my wife, my son, my gifts, my ministry, my calling, my vocation, my destiny! Watch your goal post!!
I also notice that the Word of God did not say, "...but a wise man did not have or will not have - anger". The Word says he holds it back, despite having the anger. I realised that being angry is a very real thing, but staying angry is optional. I will find ways to do that.
Okay, enough of holy holy.

Leadership

What is a leader? We could answer that question in a variety of ways. A very basic definition would be a leader is someone who has followers. (otherwise what good is a leader with no one to lead, right?) A broader definition may be a leader is someone who accepts responsibility for others. Some people would consider leaders as those who simply have the ability to hide their panic from others! You might laugh at this, but I think this is no joke. Deep inside, they are all 'kan chiong' people, but outside they display a cool and calm front. That is also leadership you know, because their countenance matters to those around that look up to them for direction. Another blogger commented that leadership means example. Wah jun! One word answer but nevertheless powerful.

Okay okay, someone a bit more heavyweight said that "leadership is getting people to do what they don't want to do so they can become what they've always wanted to be." - Tom Landry, Coach. I personally like and subscribe to his definition.

A need for disclaimer:
Just because the definition sounds powerful doesn't mean it is easy to carry out. Think about all the things you need to do to motivate others to do what they DON'T WANT to do. You can be sure you won't be the most popular guy around. Trust me, I have been there before. It is a thankless job.

But leading isn't about been popular. It's about balancing duty with devotion (another way of saying discipline with love). To me, it's really about accomplishing something that counts, achieving something that matters for eternity, and attempting something worthwhile.

So, my updated, 'rojak' definition will be: "A leader is someone who has set himself apart as an example and is committed to a group of followers to attempt, accomplish and achieve the goal of transformation to be the best they wanted to be by doing what they dread doing most, without showing signs of personal panic or confusion."

Why I ask about leadship? Because I needed some right now! Spiritually, I think I have slackeded enough! I am sick of been weak, spiritually. I am done with it. If no one come to my rescue, I will have to demonstrate "personal leadership", which most likely I will. It means I will have to take personal responsibility for my own growth and development. I will have to take personal ownership for my state of maturity and progress. I will have to time my own relay, break my own best record, set up a schedule for my own sweating regime, and push on. Bottomline: I needed to be accountable to my own growth. When you stop growing, you start dying. When you stop swimming upstream, you drift downhill. It was G.K. Chesterton who said that "a dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it." Yes, swimming against the tide is tough and tedious, but it develops muscle and stamina.

God help me, I pray.

Men are God's Method

With reference to yesterday's entry on 'Spiritual Discipline', the quote was not from Leonard Ravenhill. I apologised. It was from E M Bound. Here's the full version of the quotes:
Men are God's method. The Church is looking for better methods; God is looking for better men. What the Church needs today is not more machinary or better, nor new organisation or more and novel methods, but men whom the Holy Spirit can use - men of prayer, men mighty in prayer. The Holy Spirit does not come on machinary, but on men. He does not anoint plans, but men - men of prayer.
- E M Bound

An Initmate Interview with My LORD

One day, I woke early in the morning to watch the sunrise. Ah, the beauty of God's creation is beyond description. As I watched, I praised God for His beautiful work. As I sat there, I felt the Lord's presence with me. He asked me, "Do u love me?" I answered, "Of course, God! You are my Lord and my Saviour!"

Then He asked, "If you were physically handicapped, would you still love me?"
I was perplexed. I looked down upon my arms, legs and the rest of my body and wondered how many things I wouldn't be able to do, the things that I took for granted. And I answered, "It would be tough, Lord, but I would still love you."

Then the Lord said, "If you were blind, would you still love my creation?"
How could I love something without being able to see it? Then I thought of all the blind people in the world and how many of them still loved God and His creation.
So I answered, "It's hard to think of it, but I would still love you."

The Lord then asked me, "If you were deaf, would you still listen to my word?"
How could I listen to anything being deaf?
Then I understood. Listening to God's Word is not merely using our ears, but our hearts.
I answered, "It would be tough, but I would still listen to Your Word."

The Lord then asked, "If you were mute, would you still praise My Name?"
How could I praise without a voice?
Then it occurred to me : God wants us to sing from our very heart and soul. It never matters what we sound like. And praising God is not always with a song, but when we are persecuted, we give God praise with our words of thanks.
So I answered, "Though I could not physically sing, I would still praise Your Name."

And the Lord asked, "Do you really love Me?"
With courage and a strong conviction, I answered boldly, "Yes Lord! I love you because You are the one and true God!"
I thought that I had answered well, but God asked, "Then why do you sin?"
I answered, "Because I am only human. I am not perfect."
"Then why in times of peace do you stray the furthest?
Why only in times of trouble do you pray the earnest?"

No answer. Only tears.

The Lord continued :
"Why only sing at fellowships and retreats?
Why seek Me only in times of worship?
Why ask things so selfishly?
Why ask things so unfaithfully?"

The tears continued to roll down my cheeks.

"Why are you ashamed of Me?
Why are you not spreading the good news?
Why in times of persecution, you cry to others when I offer My shoulder to cry on? Why make excuses when I give you opportunities to serve in My Name?"

I tried to answer, but there was no answer to give.
"You are blessed with life. I made you not to throw this gift away.
I have blessed you with talents to serve Me, but you continue to turn away.
I hsve revealed My word to you,but you do not gain in knowledge.
I have spoken to you, but your ears were closed.
I have shown my blessings to you, but your eyes were turned away.
I have sent you servants, but you sat idly by as they were pushed away.
I have heard your prayers, and I have answered them all.

Do you truly love Me?" I could not answer.
How could I? I was embarrassed beyond belief. I had no excuse.
What could I say to this?
When my heart had cried out, and the tears had flowed, I said,
"Please forgive me Lord. I am unworthy to be Your child."

The Lord answered, "That is My grace, My child."

I asked, "Then why do you continue to forgive me? Why do you love me so?"

The Lord answered, "Because you are my creation, You are My child.
I will never abandon you.
When you cry, I will have compassion and cry with you.
When you shout with joy, I will laugh with you.
When you are down, I will encourage you.
When you fall, I will raise you up.
When you are tired, I will carry you.
I will be with you till the end of the days, and I will love you forever."

Never had I cried so hard before.
How could I have been so cold? How could I have hurt God as I had done?
I asked God, "How much do You love me?"

The Lord stretched out His arms, and I saw His nail-pierced hands.
I bowed down at the feet of Christ, my Saviour.
And for the first time, I truly prayed.

Discipline for Godliness - Spiritual Sweat!

DISCIPLINE:
Personal discipline is the indispensible key for accomplishing anything in this life. We have a crowd of models who demonstrated a disciplined life. Mike Singletary (football player), Tiger Wood (Professional Golfer), Ernest Hemingway (Nobel winner for literature), Dylan Thomas (poet), Michelangelo (painter), Leonardo da Vinci (artist), Winston Churchill (Politician), Thomas Eddison (inventer), Jascha Heifitz (violinist), and countless others, have left their mark on the parchment of time as people who achieved because they deemed it necessary to put in the disciplined effort to make their dreams a reality and possibility.
Truth is: We will never get anywhere in life without discipline, be it in the arts, business, sports, or academics. This is doubly so in spiritual matters. In some areas, we can claim some innate advantage, but none of us can claim an innate spiritual advantage, that we naturally seek God or instinctively do good (Rom 3: 9-18). Therefore, as children of grace, our spiritual discipline is an essential module, not an elective nor enrichment one.

SPIRITUAL SWEAT:
Paul, on discipline, stated in 1 Tim 4:7 that spiritual discipline took on not only transcending importance, but personal urgency. The word “train” comes from the word gumnos, which means “naked” and is the word from which we derive gymnasium (to exercise naked). In other words, it means to gymnasticise (exercise, work out, train) yourself for the purpose of godliness. He is calling for spiritual sweat!
Heb 12:1 throws out the question of what things are weighing you down? The call to discipline demands that you throw it off. The call to train ourself for godliness also suggests directing all our energy towards godliness (1 Cor 9:24-27). No manliness, no maturity! No discipline, no discipleship! No sweat, no sainthood! The old adage still stands: No pain, no gain. This, sadly, has been replaced by a much regretted adage of our latter day pain-aversive believers: No pain, no pain!

TWO REASONS FOR WHY THE DISCIPLINE:
First, in today’s world and Church, disciplined Christian lives are the exception, not the rule. Be it poor teaching or individual sloth, underlying much of the conscious rejection of spiritual discipline is the fear of legalism (Failure to differentiate between legalism and discipline). The difference is one of motivation. Legalism is self-centred; discipline is God-centred.
Second, men are so much less spiritually inclined and spiritually disciplined than women. Women appear to read more Christian literature, are more concerned about the spiritual welfare of their mates, believe that religion can answer today’s problem more than men, attend services more frequently, and are in the majority as far as going to Church with their spouses is concerned.
Why? The pervasive modern male credo of self-sufficiency and individualism does contribute. This may also be due to the male avoidance of anything relational. Men today need far more help in building spiritual discipline than women.
The Church needs real men, and we are the men. Whether or not we have disciplined ourself will make a big difference in this life and for the life to come. It builds the enduring architecture of one’s soul on the foundation of Christ - not gold, silver, and precious stones which will not survive the fires of judgment. It serve as a monument to Christ for eternity (1 Cor 3:10-15).
Spiritual discipline, rather than raise the feeling of stultifying constraints, actually liberates and frees us from the gravity of this present age and allow us to soar with the saints and the angels. Do I have the sweats in me? Will I enter the gymnasium of divine discipline? Will I strip away the things that hold me back? Will I discipline myself through the power of the Holy Spirit?

I think it was Leonard Ravenhill who said this:
"The world is looking for better methods; God is looking for a few good men!"
My answer to the questions above is (in the like of Martin Luther): I will.
"Here I stand. I can do no other. So help me God!"

The Christian Cup 2007

Highlight : The Christian Cup
Theme : Spiritual Renewal Versus Spiritual Warfare
Place : Calvary Stadium
Era : This Millennium

SCENE ONE:
Date is Mar 07. Event is the challenge trophy for “Spirituality ‘High & Low’ Cup” at Calvary Stadium. The finalist are Spiritual Renewal & Spiritual Warfare. The half time score is still goal-less. We will now hear what the respective coaches of the team has to say in the briefing room.

SPIRITUAL RENEWAL Their coach, Mr. Saint Paul said:

“While we continue to pray and fast that all of us be spiritually renewed and revived so that we will be victors over our enemy, I am fearful that some do not share the same heartbeat. I have a hymn to teach you at this moment,
Thy Church, O my Saviour, Thy Body and Bride,
The saints Thou hast ransomed for whom Thou hast died -
How cold we are growing, in service and prayer!
Our love needs rekindling, our altars repair.
O Lord, send a revival, Lord send a revival. And let it begins in me.
You see, team, unless we sincerely take some positive action to win Spritual Warfare and have a personal conviction to want Spiritual Renewal to win, it would be quite difficult to escape the destructive tactics of Spiritual Warfare.”

SPIRITUAL WARFARE Their coach, Mr. S. A. TAN said,

“You little devils are doing well in maintaining the 50% chance of winning the cup. Our crafty, deceiving tactics have helped us in stopping people from wanting Spiritual Renewal in their lives. So little devils, remember to work even harder as our opponent’s prayer coverage is intensifying.” At this moment, the powerful defender, Mr. Leave Problem, interrupted, “But we have worked so hard already, and its so close to the end. Can’t we just relaxed for a while.” Immediately, Mr. S.A. TAN slapped him and said, “The minute you slackened in your effort to create problems , they will start supporting our enemy, Spiritual Renewal, and go on their side. What’s more, with the amount of prayer that is going on, I wonder how long can we continue using this decpetion. So make sure the other 50% chance is not lost to them too!”

SCENE TWO
The referee now blows the whistle for the start of the second half of the match.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT:

I agree with what Spiritual Renewal coach, Mr. Saint Paul said, that our revival begins in me. ...to be cont'd

About Me

Husband to a Wonderful Wife, Father to a Beautiful Son;
Brother and Friend to Many, Coach and Mentor to Some.
A Torch-bearer by Calling, A Fellow Pilgrim on Earth;
A Servant of the Most High, King Jesus, my LORD, I serve.
- Amos Lee

I wrote this poem to remind myself what tremendous blessings I have.
It defines my relationships and roles, my duty and devotions.
My privileges and preoccupations, my calling and citizenship.

I have a Soul-mate. She is wonderful. And she runs alongside with me as a fellow torchbearer.
I have a Successor. He will one day take over the torch, and carry on the legacy. He will run before me some day.
I have Siblings. They are the only ones I have; no more, more less.
I am thankful.

I have friends that surround me when I am down.
I have been a friend to those who are down too.
I coach and mentor some to be success, while others mentor and coach me to be significant.
I am grateful.

I know God planted me here with a message. I know the sacred flame I bear at the tip of my torch.
Yet, you know, as a pilgrim, I am like you - I am nothing without Christ.
I am watchful.

The Mark of Servanthood is my Badge of Honor, for I serve the Will of the Highest Power.
Yet deep within this redeemed soul, I carry a passport declaring me a citizen of another Kingdom.
I am joyful!

Welcome to my blog!
May you be blessed & encouraged by what is put up here.
And to my young, little dear boy Joash, this is my little gift to you. Because I love you.
Run with me, son, and together let's keep the Torch lifted!